I used to work in Chicago

In an Old Department Store

I used to work in Chicago -

I Don't work there anymore! A lady came in and asked for some bolts


Some bolts from the store? Some bolts she wanted, my nuts she got !


Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! I don't work there any more!

The song's further verses replace the words in bold for other items and actions, such as:

An Abortion / Kicked down the stairs

Meat / Sausage

Fishing Rod / Pole

Helicopter / Chopper

Carpet / Shag

DVD / Aladdin

Beef / Pork

Golf Set / A Hole In One

Camel / Hump

Fabric / Felt

Beer / 6 Pack

Plastic / Rubbers

Translator / Cunning Linguist

Glased Doughnut / Cream Filled

Power Drill / Drilled

Black & Decker drill / Decked

Screwdriver / Screwed

Gun / Banged

Metaphysical conversation / Fucked

Sailors / Seamen

Pipe / Hosing

Stockings / Hosing

Liquor Plumber / Pipes Cleaned

Butter / Spread

Elevator / Shafted

Quebec Poutine / Hot Sauce

Jewelry / Pearl necklace

Pimp Rod / Magic Stick

Assistance / AIDs

Fresh Fruits / Dirty Banana

Latex Gloves / Dick in a Rubber

A trunk road from Newcastle to Carlisle / A69

An Umbrella/ We didn't have one, so I screwed her/him anyway!

Semi-aquatic mammal / Beaver

Pirate ship / Jolly rogering

Ruler / 12 inches

Water / all wet

the alphabet / HIV

Mashed potatoes / a stuffing

Rooster / cock

ham / porking

dessert / cherry cheese cake

seafood / crabs

ovation / the clap

apples / her cherry I took

burgers / sausage

barbecue / spit roast

hammer / nailed

nail / screwed

screen door / back door

surprise / shocker

encyclopedia / my index

tudor style / a-frame

whale / free willy

double kit-kat / 4 fingers

liquor / lick her

manicure / facial

Oriental Monocle/ Jap's Eye

Silver Bathroom Fittings/ Golden Shower

Orgasm/ Who cares what she got

Bannister / Railing

A german method of coal extraction / Mine Shaft

Sprite / 7-UP

Shotgun / Her Pump Action I got

Bowling ball / 3 fingers and thrown in the gutter

Public speaker / Master debator

Right Honorable Gentleman / Upstanding member

Extension Cord / The Shocker

One Minute Man / (Person's name)

Apple pie / Cream pie

Oh Henry / Mr. Big

Big Mac/ My Whopper

Calendar / 9 Months

Skeleton / Boner

Bible / Missionary

Abortion / Kicked down the stairs

Orgasm / Who cares

Mr Clean / Dirty Sanchez

Big Mac / My special sauce

Cottage Cheese / My Smegma

Pickup Truck / Ramme